A broken heart

Yes I have a broken heart
Broken into  three  you see
First piece I call it Steve,
It's sweet and is kind
Next piece is tricky,
It's called Elza,
A little naughty yet so lovely
Third is a tiny miraculous piece,
It is named Chris.
It's a wiggly wiggly piece,
A piece that taught me Faith in Him.
My heart  aches as it is broken,
Broken in to three pieces of love
And when these peices smile at me,
I feel broken again..
Yes love aches,  it aches so much,  that u can't stop loving..

Withering...

What can a drop of water do to a Withering flower??
What can the gleaming sun rays do to them??
What is it that the soothing breeze do to them?
What does it need??
Colors?
Strength?
Love?
Comfort?
Sympathy?
Leave it alone,  leave it alone
Let it crumble
Let it melt
Let it fade
Let it disappear
Let it embrace the ground,
From where it all began
Let it start again
Until it rise again with glowing colors
Until it sprout again to spread a smile
Until the ending of the new beginning
Leave a Withering flower on its own!!

on my knees

All the things that I wrote here are notes from my life and my world. As the name of this blog suggests, its all about finding myself. I just want to express myself.

 Funny enough, I always thought one of my strong point or strength in myself is\was patience. When ever there was a personality development class or session or workshop that I attended        ( lots) the first task was to identify the strengths and weaknesses. My number one strength was always patience, very very very slow to anger and zero hatred to anyone. As I am writing this, much to my surprise, I am very impatient(at this very second), very very very angry, and I just feel so lost and frustrated. Ah&%$#@ look at what a little 1feet tall human being can do to you. Yes all this feeling came popping up when my 1year and 3months old Elza baby decided to give me a hard time, emotional torturing.. She won!! Phew!!

 Some months back I read somewhere ( must be a catholic mom blog; now a days most of my readings are directed in that way; reason for that follows) motherhood puts you on your knees. Well said! Truly said! 

I have come to that point now. Actually many times. But somehow today I feel like writing about it. I love my babies to the bottom of my heart. I know they have been gifted to me. But Lord, its so hard sometimes to become selfless. I wonder how  mother Mary would have handled such situations? Not being able to eat a proper breakfast or lunch or dinner, not being able to sleep without getting up 99 times in the night, not taking a proper bath, not even going to toilet within the freedom of a closed door. When Steve was almost 2 years old I had a haircut and the lady at the parlour told me to take a proper bath:( seems that my hair was not very clean.:( very very sad I was, but happy for the hair cut. Now with elza who wouldn't get out of the comfort of my hips and arms, has again got me down on my knees.

Where does my help comes from. My help comes from my Lord who created each and everything that I could imagine of. So mamma Mary, show me how you handled tough situations.. Pls...and help me find happiness in small things, like writing this blog which gives me lot of inner peace.
Wonder how much of struggle each mother in this world is going through by not being themselves.
 Again thanking Lord for creating Mothers.. How great are thou art...

My Strength

When did I fall for you??
Don't remember the day and date
But I know the moment..
While being my weakness,
You make me strong.
Little did I know ur beauty until,
 we said yes to the Lord.
You make me complete,
 more than words could say.
Though this sound cheesy, I don't care
Becoz you are the reason,
that I am myself.
God, I know that you love me,
Becoz my prayers have been heard.
Its been 5 years that we started our journey, blessed with two little buds.
Never did a day pass by without an
I LOVE YOU
Never did a day pass by without a small fight
Never did a day pass by without me learning from you
Never did I know that hope and dependence in God is so beautiful.
You amaze me with you honesty,
You starl me with ur compassion
You surprise me with ur call log
You teach me with your deeds and
You love me so deeply as I am
Thanking Lord for this  miracle
That happened in my life 5yrs back .
The most blessed, wonderful, happiest minutes that I have lived are the ones with u.
No word could hold the love in my heart
No days have passed without thanking
The Lord for blessing me with u
For being a Gods child
For being a genuine human
For being a solid gentleman
For being a fantastic cool dad
For being THE MAN in my life.
I am finding myself, after I found U.
Love u dear HUSBAND.

Did u stop blogging?? &#@

Writing regularly and orderly was my initial idea while starting this blog, which obviously failed at least till this time. After publishing my first post, I really didn't feel like going back and opening my blog page. But past two days that urge is again kicking me hard. Its like even when I  am cutting veggies for cooking or when waiting for the water to fill in the washing machine for laundry I tend to frame words and sentences. Badly wanting to grab my phone and give life to those letters is all that I want to do then. But my sweet little culprits at home are experts at "i know how to keep Amma busy". Looks like they can write a book on it soon. Finally going with the wind(my mind), writing my next post..

My Tree of Life

When the shades give the cool

The tree that grows old must be wondering.

The countless leaves that I have shed

The countless skin that I have shred

The countless storms that I have fought

The endless rains that I have drained

The lumps of dirt that washed me out

The chirps of birds that I still hear

The fruits that I have beared for you

Its nothing but the love that keeps

You and me close always

Wherever you wander I still know

That one day you will come back to me

To sit in the warmth and cool of my shade.

Took some time to know my world until I became one, love u mom, Amma.

Beginner's notes

So there is smile on my face as I scribble down these words which had been causing me a heart ache for past few years. Starting a blog is after all not that bad; in fact its superb. I am enjoying this in its every tiny winy bit. Authors block, as I thought was something related to great authors, someone who has written at least a couple of books.
Nah...it was all a misconception. I was suffering from it..now question comes. Who am I? Well truely saying,  mother of two would best describe me, as when I am jotting down these very letters, my 1 year old baby girl is lying down on my lap and she is sleeping peacefully and happily. I must say that my 4 year old son is contendly watching oggy and the cockroaches. Don't know anything about blogging.. But just for a start I think this is good and it definitely is making me feel good. Thank God for the technology, which seldom comes handy to a full time mother like me apart from browsing recipes and pediatric websites. So let this be a good start, I hope and pray. May the Holy spirit guide me forward.