on my knees

All the things that I wrote here are notes from my life and my world. As the name of this blog suggests, its all about finding myself. I just want to express myself.

 Funny enough, I always thought one of my strong point or strength in myself is\was patience. When ever there was a personality development class or session or workshop that I attended        ( lots) the first task was to identify the strengths and weaknesses. My number one strength was always patience, very very very slow to anger and zero hatred to anyone. As I am writing this, much to my surprise, I am very impatient(at this very second), very very very angry, and I just feel so lost and frustrated. Ah&%$#@ look at what a little 1feet tall human being can do to you. Yes all this feeling came popping up when my 1year and 3months old Elza baby decided to give me a hard time, emotional torturing.. She won!! Phew!!

 Some months back I read somewhere ( must be a catholic mom blog; now a days most of my readings are directed in that way; reason for that follows) motherhood puts you on your knees. Well said! Truly said! 

I have come to that point now. Actually many times. But somehow today I feel like writing about it. I love my babies to the bottom of my heart. I know they have been gifted to me. But Lord, its so hard sometimes to become selfless. I wonder how  mother Mary would have handled such situations? Not being able to eat a proper breakfast or lunch or dinner, not being able to sleep without getting up 99 times in the night, not taking a proper bath, not even going to toilet within the freedom of a closed door. When Steve was almost 2 years old I had a haircut and the lady at the parlour told me to take a proper bath:( seems that my hair was not very clean.:( very very sad I was, but happy for the hair cut. Now with elza who wouldn't get out of the comfort of my hips and arms, has again got me down on my knees.

Where does my help comes from. My help comes from my Lord who created each and everything that I could imagine of. So mamma Mary, show me how you handled tough situations.. Pls...and help me find happiness in small things, like writing this blog which gives me lot of inner peace.
Wonder how much of struggle each mother in this world is going through by not being themselves.
 Again thanking Lord for creating Mothers.. How great are thou art...